A few days ago, my best friend called me and her voice was echoing a mix of embarrassment and urgency. She confessed:

I think I did something called ‘floodlighting'.

Shocked and confused, I asked What is floodlighting? So I got to know it is another term in the ever-evolving landscape of modern dating! Honestly, it's too exhausting to keep up with so many relationship lingos at this point. And I am sure you must be wondering about the term too, so let me explain to you!!

Understanding Floodlighting

Coined by researcher Brené Brown, “floodlighting” means when you overshare your personal information early in a relationship to create a false sense of intimacy. While vulnerability is essential for building strong connections, premature and excessive sharing can lead to emotional imbalance and distress at the beginning of the relationship.

Why Do People Floodlight?

A reddit user commented:

Floodlighting refers to overwhelming someone with vulnerability in a way that feels more like a test rather than an attempt at genuine connection.

Oversharing can be a way to understand how a partner reacts to one's vulnerabilities, essentially asking, "Can you handle all of me?"

So, when some individuals believe that sharing personal traumas or secrets will enhance closeness, it leads to floodlighting, which can be overwhelming for the person who is on the other end.

Another used said:

I used to overshare and call it openness... I’d lay it all out, usually early in friendships or romantic relationships, to avoid rejection later on.

The Impact on Relationships

While the intent behind floodlighting may be to build closeness, it often results in unintended consequences.

Mia Aliyah Makhija, a Law student commented on LinkedIn:

It’s gross emotional manipulation.

One partner may feel compelled to become an emotional caretaker, leading to burnout.

Rapid sharing can create an illusion of deep connection, which may not withstand the test of time because oversharing can blur personal boundaries, making it challenging to establish a healthy pace for the relationship.

Jeevan Sagar, a 23 year old Chennai resident noted how he felt on his first date:

She was extremely overfamiliar, brought up traumatic issues about her previous boyfriend and her father. I was concerned and listened. Though I was clear that I wanted an easy ‘getting to know each other’ phase.

Navigating Floodlighting

Ruchi Ruuh, a relationship expert gave her opinion and said:

Floodlighting in relationships is when one partner overshares deep emotions or personal struggles too soon. Instead of creating intimacy, it can feel overwhelming. While vulnerability is important, dumping unfiltered emotions early on isn’t the same as a genuine emotional connection.

So, if you find yourself or your partner engaging in floodlighting then here are some ways you can navigate floodlighting according to the experts.

For Those Who Tend to Overshare:

Pause and Reflect Before Sharing: Before disclosing personal details, consider whether the timing is appropriate and if the relationship has established sufficient trust.

Seek Support from Trusted Individuals: If you feel compelled to share for validation or emotional release, consider speaking with a close friend or therapist instead of a new acquaintance.

Balance the Conversation: Ensure that sharing is reciprocal. If you find yourself dominating the conversation with personal stories, invite the other person to share as well.

For Those on the Receiving End:

Set Gentle Boundaries: If someone is oversharing too soon, you can steer the conversation to lighter topics by saying, "I appreciate you opening up, but perhaps we can take things one step at a time."

Communicate Your Comfort Level: It's okay to express if the depth of sharing feels overwhelming. Let them know you value getting to know each other gradually.

Avoid Assuming the Role of Emotional Caretaker: While empathy is important, ensure that the relationship doesn't become one-sided, where you're primarily providing emotional support without receiving mutual support.

Navigating a relationship is tough but remembering relationship terms is even more difficult nowadays. But concepts like floodlighting provide valuable insights because if you can recognize and address floodlighting behaviours the it can lead to healthier, more balance relationships.

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